Far too many people allow themselves to fall into what I call the yo-yo relationship out of weakness, suitability or neediness. This may come across as harsh. But when a relationship sticks on the recycle button life can feel cumbersome and tough.
Stepping in and out of a relationship continuously without feeling forward momentum is tiresome! When a loving relationship starts to take a downward turn, its natural in the first instance to investigate and determine what can be to grow from the experience and keep love on track.
For a relationship to succeed long term, both partners must want the same or at least similar things from the relationship. It does not matter if you are both extremely physically attracted to one another, or compatible on various levels – if you want different outcomes from each other and the union you are creating, it will ultimately bring pain and sorrow.
People usually have specific reasons for ending a relationship, and sometimes its not fully defined why a relationship has ended. So when the opportunity arises to reenter it, you may feel like the second chance is a great option! But when the yo yo keeps you in and out, in a cycle can can last years – its time to check in.
Maybe a solo relationship is one that is worth exploring instead.
Solo relationships aren’t relished by all. Its easy to get back out and try to find another relationship to commence. But it can be fraught with old patterns repeating themselves. In my experience I value solo time highly. Its a great time to reinvest in yourself. A time to reconcile the gifts and growth that the union bought you and what was challenging. Understanding what was missing in your union and how much you value that in your relationships moving forward is an enriching way to grow your self.
In my private practice, I often witness what people seek outside of themselves needs to be developed within themselves. Its common ground that many seek advice and guidance from friends or practitioners to understand how behaviour can be changed or altered to an older way of behaving (the newly met phase where our best behaviour is on show.) I recall in my previous marriage where I longed for a sense of freedom in choices. i was relying heavily on my husband to endorse my opinions, my dreams and aspirations. I felt with his backing I would have more chance of success. I was wrong. My backbone and support was what I needed. To back myself in what I desired to achieve for my aspirations and personal growth was what I needed.
Reliance on a partner to make something easier for you that you can do for yourself can feel like you are going backwards or in slow motion. We are all responsible for creating our aspirations into reality. When the aspirations are shared – raising a family, living and growing together, travelling, working or being of service to a community together means that you both keep the sacred dream alive. But when it is not aligned, frustration can be the flavour experienced between you.
To keep going back to a less than desirable relationship is not honouring your self to your greatest potential. If you are missing an ex lover or ex spouse, or there is an invitation to reconcile, ask yourself why. And when you discover the answer, ask yourself if you can give that to yourself in other ways. This adds clarity to creaking free for patterns or comfort. If your answers is clear cut that this persons values, love, way of living in the world is what you desire to cherish and be with, then it may be time to give it another go.
Sometimes, premature ending of a relationship can cause a reconciliation to occur. Reconciliation in the depth of love, and exploring a union where together you are greater and grander than being alone is a sensational feeling!
Yet honesty in the face of love can feel tough. As sometimes love alone is not enough. The everyday grind of life, or fundamentals of adversity within a relationship can prove that love is great, but alone, does not have the force to move borders, pay the bills, accept blended families, or cultural differences.
Deep love for another can live in our hearts imminently. It does not mean that new love cannot be explored. It does not mean that love for another needs to be limited or in reserve. I’ve come to learn that I can keep a true love in my heart and have expanded love for another. Love in its purity is not measured, sliced and diced. We can hold great loves in our bodies and be with another or with ourself.
Choosing solo love, rekindling an ex relationship or choosing a new relationship to explore your deep loving capacity can open you to a more profound and exquisite love and respect. Let this be your moral compass to love.