Obligation is a joy stopper as it adds weight to your “sense of duty” over time.
We have learnt to serve from a young age. Many are taught that by being loyal, it will pay off in the long run. But in our ever so fast changing society, where so much is dispensable, staying obligated can have a negative impact.
Habitual behaviour without checking in to see if you are still happy, if you are being served and nourished by the interaction can harbour feelings of disconnection.
When you make something outside of you a larger priority that your soul, you risk losing both things – fulfilling connection with yourself and with the other.
Don’t get me wrong. Life isn’t an ongoing scene of rainbows and lollipops. But the measure in the feeling of joy can be high, even when rough patches are experienced. This is much larger.
If you are trying to make your partner happy by leaving your calling behind, they are not getting the whole you. When we connect with our calling, it feels like a whole new relationship. And overwhelm can take over as something new wants to be created through you. It is not uncommon to feel the sensations of a deep desire before being abe to name it.
I recall doing this in my last marriage when I wanted to take on studies as a fitness trainer. I had a strong call and desire for change. But I didn’t identify it straight away. That time period felt like I was experiencing emotional infidelity, as I was secretly wishing for something more. But I was retracting simultaneously so my partner didn’t tap into what I was feeling – as I couldn’t define it or explain it to myself let alone him.
Denying my feelings originally led to feeling more obligated to my commitment to him and my children that the commitment to myself. Once I realised what I was doing, my obligation turned to dedication. I ended up studying by correspondence and felt supported.
If you have a calling stirring, but are frightened due to losing something (partner, finances. stability) you risk losing the deeper joyous connection to yourself. Period. The aspects of you that are your passion, your purpose, your avenue to creation…over time…wanes.
You feel tired, because you aren’t plugged into the entry point of passion and purpose that lives within you.
You may still be in the relationship. You may still have the career title or the bank balance. But there is a risk of the cost to the inner palatable sense of purpose loses its flow. And over time, that initial zest you had for your relationship or for your career also wanes.
I’m an avid hiker. I love walking by rivers which are full of life and represent free flow. There is a track I take regularly near home. I hadn’t walked it for a few months. On my return, part of the river bed had dried up, occupied by a swamp floor and cracks. Its dryness allowing for reeds, mosquitoes and other growth to nestle.
Have you experienced the flow of a relationship or career waning? Do you blame yourself, go into denial or possibly wait and hope the course of the river will resume?
In my experience, signs are feeling tired, because I am not plugged into my passion. I feel resistance, because I am pushing a different path. I feel resentment, because somewhere along the way, I stop honouring my life, my drive and my desire.
Clarity, fresh spring flow slowly replaced by heaviness and fear and resistance to maintain the status quo.
When you embrace a freer state of living, you allow permission for others to do the same. When you now the way back to your hearts desire, and back yourselves, you risk liberating yourself.
I use the word risk here, as it is a strong “hold me back” pattern. There is an invisible wall of resistance that meets liberation.
And that is what keeps you back peddling and working on scenarios to maintain the status quo. The risk of holding yourself back holds the same energy as the risk it takes to explore what is on the other side.
The action required is to replace the mindset responsible for the chaotic feeling and the priority we give the chaotic mind with the feeling of a liberated blissful soul.
Start to observe your mind by observing from your whole body – the space within it. All too often we try to create a solution from the same place we created the problem – the mind. We don’t navigate from the other powerful spaces within ourselves – our intuition and our gut sensations.
Let go of the inner dialogue of “Should”. The should’s of parental approval, spouse approval, google searches, the waiting till things are better, and comparison to others.
If the resistance is being scared of falling apart, know that this is the mind trying to stop you from thinking the change equates to death. It’s a part of the change of transformation. Acknowledge this as a stepping stone, and allow it to happen anyway. great wisdom is learnt when we allow ourselves to fall away for a while.
On a final note, if you are struck with a feeling of deep desire, it’s a calling for an internal inquiry. Use your intuition to guide it forward. And turn and sense of obligation into the duty of care and dedication you have towards yourself.