In a recent conversation with a couple, I asked them to define the “sweet spot” in the relationship.
The woman recalled when the relationship felt on point and at its peak to her. “I feel most supported when my husband helps with the chores and we are aligned with raising the children. This helps me relax more and I am more willing to share intimacy.” She also listed a realm of things ranging from spending time together, similar interests, a clean house before bed and the cats to be fed….
Well, not about the cats. But close to it.
A relationship that relies on tasks or chores to be fulfilled before intimacy is prioritised -needs redefining. Its a trap couples fall into. Especially with longer term relationships.
“If only he did more to help me, I would feel taken care of”, or “I want more recognition”. These are all ways we filter our unmet expectations.
‘If this-then that’ demands can stifle intimacy between you.
This limits the whole desirable capacity to come to the surface and be a key driver in the relationship. Desire is a key indicator to a healthy relationship.
The partners response to the same question of the sweet spot said “relaxed and in tune with her. I feel warm inside and want to interact more with her”. There was no mention of ‘if this-then that’.
The ‘sweet spot’ in relationship is not indifferent to the sweet spot in life. You feel enlivened during the day, happy to hang out and explore. You keep investing in your personal interests. And you invest in each other.
You don’t survive, you thrive. 
The relationship becomes another element in your interaction. The relationship itself has needs to function optimally. And those needs, the choices are what you both invest and contribute it.
This takes it away from the ‘if this-then that’. It takes away from action and reward, which can stifle a relationship. Action and reward is akin to a parent/child interaction playing out.
And you dont want to be in a parent/child relationship with your partner!
I see partners withdraw from conversations, spend little time together and avoid issues. It becomes a form of punishment. A fasting of the very thing that nourishes us. There is a saying I heard once “If I dont eat, he wont notice he is hungry”.
By pretending intimacy is no longer a priority is not the answer. This leads to disconnection with ourselves first up.
The answer is in the inquiry. “What juices us up when together?”
Is it the feeling of being enveloped up in the moment that time is insignificant. Is it spending time on shared hobbies? The feeling of imbued in love thats indescribable.
When attraction sparks, there is little talk of chores and expectations. There is a feeling of special union.
When the sweet spot dwindles, I see partners not being honest with what is happening for them. Healthy relationships thrive on communication. Also, when you are honest, it helps others be at ease being more honest as well.
Have you had those moments where you weren’t quite honest with what is affecting you? You half share without clarity, only to feel misheard and misrepresented?
I take people on journeys to explore and reframe their needs in relationships. These define our next layer of growth. Any changes deserve space and awareness behind the feelings asking for change.
We work with the ‘honeymoon glow’. What sparks that open, alive gooey feeling within?
What are you prepared to do to prioritise feeling MORE of this in your life!
We peel back the layers and expose the flame. The flame of desire. The original flame that burns bright for you both. The ember that can become a full flame when you can both breath your intent into sparking your desired love.
And the sweet spot is easier to maintain.
In the Ignite Your Intimacy Immersion, I help couples tease out and find that sweetness. The feeling of confidence in using the language of love to not only communicate with the mind – but with the senses. Using practices that empower you to revolutionise your relationship dynamic.
Here are some ways to keep your sweet spot alive and juicy.
Make a date with pleasure – you are in an intimate relationship, you both know what the other responds to. Be creative and attentive with each other. Take it in turns to organise your date nights. Reignite what you loved doing when you first met.
Keep your interests alive – A relationship thrives when couples keep their own interests alive. Making time for yourself means that you matter! And your partner can respect that. Given you have always had your own interests and views pre-relationship. Over identifying in a relationship can lead to mediocre everyday life!
Language of love – Use your words, your action and your time to gift each other with presence. Show dedication towards the quality of time spent together. This reflects the investment you make for each other. Your partners love language may be different to yours. Appreciate the ways they are attentive.
Reserve your place below if you’d like to explore Ignite Your Intimacy with your partner. I offer complimentary discovery calls. Programs are customised to support and nurture your exploration of sacred sexuality.
