As I sat in my last corporate job five years ago, I thought it was the last major upheaval and change I was going to make. Moving on my life after a 19 year marital relationship, and a career spanning 18 years in pharmaceutical I imagined huge change was complete in my lifetime.
I was sad as my career served my intelligence and application to be diverse in a multifaceted environment. Above all, saying goodbye to the people that enriched my life. I worked in an industry manufacturing and launching anti cancer drugs to over 78 countries in the world. My role as a New Product Launch and Labeling Manager excited me. But the people that worked for me and I worked for enriched me. The growth I felt through my daily interactions both locally and worldwide opened me up to the diversity of humanity. And I relished this.
I was excited about the diversity of work and people, the timelines of rebranding 1800 product lines across world markets. Getting rebranding takeovers down from 4 years to 2 years in a highly regulated worldwide economy.
But I knew I was ready for an inner challenge. One that would stretch me to new heights and delve new depths. Working with a talented team of highly skilled professionals was easy compared to taking my show on the road. But the knock on the door was too strong to ignore any longer. The fire in my belly ignited me beyond a rebrand strategy.
I was calling for me to be re-branded and relaunched into the new phase of my life.
I was experiencing deep desire to create. To pull my innermost resources and birth new life – for myself. For my children. My efforts started to translate into birthing myself into a new found freedom.
I was observing people around me in business, in the industry I was giving up. In the industry I was wishing to create. I could hear people laughing in the distance, having business lunches in cafes creating from a blank piece of paper. I wanted that for myself. I ache to feel unbridled ideas flowing through with laughs and joy pouring through me again.
I was ready for new growth to sprout. To feel the fullness of my abilities in a new way.
Since then much has changed. Making the change from one of the highest regulatory structured industries in the world to being a creative was hard. Moving on from managing highly skilled graphic designers, I needed time to change and find my middle ground. I went from highly structured to disarray. Forming a new business needed more that swapping 6 inch heels to runners.
Owning my business was not about introducing scheduled breaks, meetings with myself and others and creating Standard Operating Procedures. It involved flexibility in networking. Sticking my head out with richly inspiring proposals of service just to be told NO. In establishments that I used to work whilst I held my corporate career. All of a sudden, not much was making sense. And I was tired of whispering to myself that I needed a performance management plan. The inner joke I was repeating to myself became a rigid hurdle I was finding hard to jump over.
Being available more at home meant my two children thought I was more available. I soon fell into the groove that they needed me more than the fertility services that said no to me. I started going out less. I became more of a stay home mum raising my teenagers. I felt myself stifle and go backwards in my skills and drive.
As I reduced my workload, health concerns started to niggle me. The overdrive syndrome came knocking on my door. Healing my health was starting to become an agenda item. And in doing so, I opened up into my body’s wisdom. And I found the clients that were seeking me out, were presenting with similar conditions. I was able to share my healing journey with them.
Thankfully my solid yoga practice held my foundation. To create the space for my body and mind to rest. In observing my feelings and sensations, this was fast becoming my greatest teacher. I tapped into poses and sequences to help women’s health and realignment. Within months, I created a Yoga and Qigong DVD with Simon Blow, a renowned Qigong Master. The DVD and teachings focus on fertility and reproductive health.
The fertility service started to bloom again. I felt my creativity return. My inner seeker was hungry again. With all the clients I was seeing and the questions I ask when starting Assisted Fertility Therapies, there was one area unexplored in conceiving – Sexual intimacy, family dogma on sexuality, and unresolved abuse ranging from emotional, physical and emotional was missing.
I started to research and explore tantra. Wishing to enrich yoga teachings from union of self, to union with another. Too many clients were coming through with unidentifiable medical reasons for not conceiving. I want to be the bridge to that knowledge.
A new shift has emerged. I have made Performance Management Plans redundant in my mind. I took stock of my life and allow the flow to excite me again.
I am letting go of rigorous expectations, what others are doing in the industry, how others speak and present.
I am saying hello to my authority. My higher education. My diversity in human interactions across world wide borders. My big heart, compassion and understanding on how adversity can stifle creation. Can stifle our fertile life. Beyond the creation of a child. Its the creation of self.
I need to be the fertile cosmos of myself. Heeding the call to create and recreate myself through the cycles of my life. To trust in stillness. To trust when expectations fall by the wayside to create space. In the space there is great wisdom ready to emerge from our body. To heal and expand ourself. Before fueling the life of a child. To fuel our own existence.
