Modern day relationships undergoing reform need more support from community and services.
Two decades ago divorce and separation became more acceptable. Resources which help relationships and families go their separate paths have become more accessible. And the divorce rates we are experiencing indicate the system is working.
But, funnelling separated relationships down the path of divorce has a definitive path to follow.
What about couples wishing to reform their relationships? They would need different resources and guidance. They need help restoring the relationship to one of empowerment, longevity and skillful conflict resolution.
It’s time to review in reforming relationship services; to help us meet modern day pressures, and correct the distortion of what makes a partnership thrive.
When I see elderly couples tend to each other with endearment it makes my heart swell. It’s rare, but it shouldn’t be.
I feel they have mastered life’s ups and downs. Their love prevails. What is the magic of such relationships? And why don’t we see more of them?
How can we steward and model more relationships to this caliber? How can we reduce the soap box drama, grandiose tendencies and focus on possessions? How can Australian families have access to different and healthier models in the modern age?
Could we create a future nation based on honour, endearment, loving flow and care in relationships?
Before I separated with two dependents, I found it difficult to find a service that looked at my relationship dynamic as a whole family.
Five marriage counselors, and a sign off for the record; my relationship ended. Once my personal journey of blame, defense and working damn hard to stay on my feet settled, I started to question the modern day relationship.
My question was a simple one. If marriage counselling represented stewardship programs and trans-formative avenues for couples why aren’t we seeing divorce rates lowering? We don’t see and hear of people in our social circles flourishing. We don’t share enough feel-good stories of hope.
A big piece of the picture is missing. I see people in fear of loving, in fear of losing love, and acting out. I see families breaking down, as mine did. I don’t see local, state or federal governments deploying enough resources towards this. And it is costing families, relationships and our economy.
Accessible resources, programs and alternative modalities have not been formed and created to help relationships transition through difficult periods. People are seeking out guidance. A scan of Relationship Australia’s website shows it’s hard to find services to support couple counselling and transformation. The only resources available under Family Relationship Centres are conflict resolution centres. It’s not enough. And it’s too late.
Where do people go if they want to explore their childhood dynamic and its impact on their relationship? What about transformational programs for people to look at their behaviours and beliefs; and the way they act out in relationships? How do we learn to address the gaps we witnessed and felt in our own family dynamic? That little child can run the relationship at times and no services point us to the appropriate help.
I encourage talking circles and forums where people can talk through a scenario, a concern, a pattern dynamic and get advice and guidance on how to respond accordingly without losing themselves.
This is what I wanted for myself and my marriage fifteen years ago. Instead I had marriage counsellors with standard questions and a sign off form to support a separation decree. I took the option of divorce. If I couldn’t work with us both openly and honestly, I would work on my own relationship to myself; explore deeply on my own. But it didn’t need to be this way. And now I know why.
The walked path of self -responsibility and accountability hasn’t been easy, but it’s been a gracious one. I meet with resistance points which rub me up. I befriend them. I inquire their role, wisdom and teachings. I have seen how they play out in other lives around me. I’ve learned. And now I also teach from this space.
I am blessed and honoured to work with couples seeking to renovate, restore and deepen their relationships. As a Tantric Alchemist and Intimacy Coach I listen with both ears and an open heart. When couples are willing to explore their relationship, and are open to navigating it to new heights, my heart expands.
It is done together. Two courageous people willing to walk their love through. Allowing space for the other to grow and learn. Allowing the remnants of habits and old dynamics to flush to the surface and be dealt with.
I’m currently working with a couple who are doing just that. I told them their relationship would be undergoing a renovation. The wife wanted the change, but was resistant to what the changes would feel like. She was scared of the new way forward; the unknown.
As a wall is knocked down, there is new space to occupy. We don’t just move in. We feel exposed to the new space created. We tend to it with love and warmth. Creating and decorating it with a new flair. A new lease of life and love. Together creating the space with presence and patience.
And their journey has been remarkable. Transformative.
The gift has surfaced. What I did for myself, I can now offer to couples..
I grew into the version of myself who made the decision to leave all that time ago . I renovated the relationship with myself. I took my own hand. I gave myself presence, patience and love.
Imagine living in communities and a country where all couples have access to such a journey?
I’m here to help you.
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